8thdayfiction

…and on the 8th day, micro fiction was published on some dude's blog.

The Formula

After almost a year’s worth of trial-and-error, Chris had finally perfected the formula.

He’d created an aerosol spray that disintegrated ironic facial hair and knit caps, turned all men’s hairstyles into Johnny Unitas flattops and all women’s hairstyles into 1980s-Joanna Kerns-in-Growing Pains perms, turned all v-necks into turtlenecks, made chunky belts and eyeglass frames medium-sized, made skinny ties fat, turned all footwear into Faded Glory brand Velcro sneakers, and made skinny jeans expand to “relaxed fit” size.

He called it “Hipster-B-Gon”, and he loaded as many cases of it as he could fit into the trunk and back seat of his car and headed for Brooklyn.

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12 thoughts on “The Formula

  1. I need to have some of that formula! Growing up in the eighties will always make me feel affectionate toward those gorgeous full perms! Sigh….

  2. Well to be precise, I was always a lover of the get-a-perm, wash-the-hair, gel-the-hair, put-the-hair-in-spongey-rollers-overnight, wake-up-and-put-hair-in-hot-rollers, hairspray-while-fluffing-hair-upside-down, curling-iron-then-spray kind of hair. It makes me exhausted just thinking about it…

  3. How is facial hair ironic?

    • It’s not literally ironic…I meant it in the way the word is commonly (mis)used to mean something that’s supposed to be funny in a “you have to be cool enough to get it/so bad it’s good” sort of way. Like a dude who grows a mustache because he thinks it’s hilarious to look like Tom Selleck, not because he actually thinks he looks good with a mustache. To use two other examples not about facial hair, like someone who would wear a John Denver World Tour t-shirt because they think it’d be funny (because they don’t actually like John Denver), or someone who “loves” the movie Xanadu because they think it’s so bad.

  4. Now I want an ironic perm! Joanna Kern’s hair was a mystical thing of beauty. Like a glittering lavender Pegasus statue that you couldn’t help but look at in wonder, but would never in a million years want the thing in your living room. Pretty sure it was EXACTLY like that.

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