Marshall and Tina were watching TV. Some late-night talk show they’d never heard of on some obscure cable network. The guest was some Next Big Thing author, who was regaling the host and the audience with stories of all the drugs and alcohol and sex he’d had before cleaning up his act and becoming some Next Big Thing author.
Tina scowled at the TV. “I don’t like this guy. We get it: You did all kinds of cuh-razy stuff in your day. Bragging about how outrageous you used to be is the opposite of outrageous. It’s—”
“Inrageous?” offered Marshall.
“Yes. He is completely inrageous. And that makes me the opposite of calmous.”
Marshall thought about it for a moment. “Oh yeah, huh. That’s the movie they’ll make once Vin Diesel’s old and flabby: The Slow and the Calmous.”
“Yeah—they’ll be peelin’ out on their Jazzy scooters.”
Marshall chuckled, then turned mock serious. “But you know what? He’s just some d-bag on a dumb talk show. You should opposite of heattreeseed.”
“No…reason it out…”
“No. Think cooking for the first part. If you don’t heat something, you…”
“No—think putting cookie dough in the fridge.”
“I should chill…opposite of tree seed…chillgiantredwood?”
“No—chillAX. Chill—opposite of heat; you use an AX to—”
“Chop down a tree. And a tree grows from a seed. I get it. So, um…good one?”
Marshall shrugged. “I know—it was a stretch.”
Tina smiled. “It was certainly no shrink, that’s for sure.”
The two of them continued opposite-talking for another three hours, until they decided, in a sleep-deprived haze, that they should write an opposite-talk dictionary.
They scribbled several pages’ worth of entries before crashing. They woke up at noon the next day, surrounded by loose pages of gibberish penned in their own hands, and it took them several hours to remember where the pages had come from.
Once they had pieced the previous evening’s events together, they had a good laugh over it.
Over the next few days, Marshall and Tina told several friends, family members, and co-workers about that night’s shenanigans. Those they told smiled and nodded and offered the occasional chuckle, but they all secretly thought the whole story was pretty inrageous.