Belt vs. Suspenders
Suspenders was just hanging in the wardrobe, bored out of his mind. So he decided to have a little fun.
“Psst! Hey…hey, Belt!”
“What do YOU want?”
“I was just wondering how you’re doing. You OK?”
“I’m fine…not that it’s any of your business.”
“OK. I just wanted to make sure you were coping all right with being the inferior pants-supporting accessory.”
“Well, that’s nice–wait, what? Inf–well, I NEVER. Have you lost your mind? No…THAT would imply that you had a mind to begin with. Belts inferior to suspenders–HA! THAT’LL be the day! You know, there’s a reason karate champions don’t earn Black Suspenders.”
“Would that reason be because suspenders are stupid?”
“Yes, because susp–are you mocking me?”
“What? No, I wouldn’t think of it.” (Suspenders was totally mocking him).
“Let me remind you that suspenders–that you and your ilk–are for people who are too fat for belts, for a-holes like Gordon Gekko, and for Gallagher!”
“Don’t forget clowns.”
“YES! And CLOWNS! My point exactly!”
“Well, that last one was my point, but–”
“You know what I mean!”
“Oh, sure. But do you know who else wears suspenders? Firefighters. America’s heroes, maybe you’ve heard of them? Or are you…anti-firefighter?”
“No, I’m–you’re putting words in my mouth. But if you want to talk about heroes, what does Batman wear? A BELT.”
“Well, technically he’s more vigilante than hero, but–”
“He’s a CRIME-FIGHTING vigilante! A comic book SUPERhero!”
“With no super powers…”
“Which make his abilities even more impressive! And my point is, HE DOESN’T WEAR SUSPENDERS!”
“Well, he doesn’t wear anything, because he’s a fictional character. As is Gordon Gekko, by the way. As is Gallagher.”
“Gallagher’s real, you idiot.”
“Well, well, well…look who’s a Gallagher super-fan! I had no idea…(lame).”
“I’m not…you…stop talking to me! BELTS RULE–END OF DISCUSSION.”
Sometimes, it’s just too easy, Suspenders thought to himself.
He decided he’d wait a little bit, let Belt cool off, and then get him wound up about how reversible belts were “unnatural” and “destructive to belt society”. THAT was always a fun conversation.