8thdayfiction

…and on the 8th day, micro fiction was published on some dude's blog.

Belt vs. Suspenders

Suspenders was just hanging in the wardrobe, bored out of his mind. So he decided to have a little fun.

“Psst! Hey…hey, Belt!”

“What do YOU want?”

“I was just wondering how you’re doing. You OK?”

“I’m fine…not that it’s any of your business.”

“OK. I just wanted to make sure you were coping all right with being the inferior pants-supporting accessory.”

“Well, that’s nice–wait, what? Inf–well, I NEVER. Have you lost your mind? No…THAT would imply that you had a mind to begin with. Belts inferior to suspenders–HA! THAT’LL be the day! You know, there’s a reason karate champions don’t earn Black Suspenders.”

“Would that reason be because suspenders are stupid?”

“Yes, because susp–are you mocking me?”

“What? No, I wouldn’t think of it.” (Suspenders was totally mocking him).

“Let me remind you that suspenders–that you and your ilk–are for people who are too fat for belts, for a-holes like Gordon Gekko, and for Gallagher!”

“Don’t forget clowns.”

“YES! And CLOWNS! My point exactly!”

“Well, that last one was my point, but–”

“You know what I mean!”

“Oh, sure. But do you know who else wears suspenders? Firefighters. America’s heroes, maybe you’ve heard of them? Or are you…anti-firefighter?”

“No, I’m–you’re putting words in my mouth. But if you want to talk about heroes, what does Batman wear? A BELT.”

“Well, technically he’s more vigilante than hero, but–”

“He’s a CRIME-FIGHTING vigilante! A comic book SUPERhero!”

“With no super powers…”

“Which make his abilities even more impressive! And my point is, HE DOESN’T WEAR SUSPENDERS!”

“Well, he doesn’t wear anything, because he’s a fictional character. As is Gordon Gekko, by the way. As is Gallagher.”

“Gallagher’s real, you idiot.”

“Well, well, well…look who’s a Gallagher super-fan! I had no idea…(lame).”

“I’m not…you…stop talking to me! BELTS RULE–END OF DISCUSSION.”

Sometimes, it’s just too easy, Suspenders thought to himself.

He decided he’d wait a little bit, let Belt cool off, and then get him wound up about how reversible belts were “unnatural” and “destructive to belt society”. THAT was always a fun conversation.

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8 thoughts on “Belt vs. Suspenders

  1. Personally, I think overalls rule since there is no way they can fall down: no belt OR suspenders needed, thank you! So take that you two!

    • If you like overalls, you need to talk to Dickie the Dickies Clothing salesman.

      • That’s a good idea! Yeah, I loved how back in that story, for a while I thought that everyone’s important life-long dream wish was to wear a new pair of overalls! Loved that–so funny!

  2. Wow, don’t get in the crosshairs of the girl who grew up on the farm. BAM, belt and suspenders!

    And Brian, if you’re going to reference other posts, lets just say that overalls, suspenders AND belts can all bow down to the full size blue spandex unitard. NO ACCESSORIES REQUIRED.

  3. Allison on said:

    Hey Suspenders—OWN the Gallagher thing. It can only be good. Run with it!

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