Recommended Hot Dog Pairings
“You know what’s in those things, right?”
Penny could feel a lecture coming on, so she decided to diffuse it with an ignorance bomb.
“Oh, not these. They’re…what’s the brand name called? Oh yeah–they’re called ‘Mostly Meat Franks’. They’re vegan-friendly. Try it.” She offered Al her hot dog.
“First of all, I doubt they’re called that, even though that’s probably an accurate name–minus the ‘mostly’. Second of all, do you even know what ‘vegan’ means?”
“Yeah. Doesn’t it mean stuff that was blessed by a Wiccan high priestess?”
“What? No, it–”
“I’m kidding. I know what it means. ‘Vegan’ means it has extra gluten for energy.”
“Oh, OK. I get it. You’re mocking me.”
“No, I admire you for eating healthy.” (This was true; Penny did admire Al’s committment to a healthy lifestyle. She just hated the self-righteousness that went with it). “In fact, you know what I tried for the first time earlier today? Greek yogurt! And I liked it!”
“Well, good for–”
“That’s what it’s called when you add feta cheese to yogurt, right?”
“OK, you ARE mocking. Fine–go ahead and eat that garbage. But I can’t be part of…this.” Al turned and left in a huff.
Penny went back to her hot dog. She noticed the nitrates in it tasted especially delicious when paired with a roommate’s condescension.