Two Things I Need To Do
Sal approached Derrick’s cubicle and knocked on its plastic edge.
Derrick looked up from his monitor. “Oh, hey man! Long time no see–where ya been?”
“Eh, I’ve been on the road here, there, and everywhere the past coupla weeks. It was just a big blur of crappy hotel rooms. You wanna take a smoke break?”
“Aw, dude, I can’t. I gave up cigarettes for Lent.”
Sal furrowed his brow at Derrick, who saw the look and didn’t understand it. “What?”
“Lent was over, like, several weeks ago, D.”
“Are you serious?”
Derrick turned, reached into his bottom desk drawer, and pulled out a carton of Lucky Strikes.
“In that case, there are two things I need to do immediately, in this order: One–go outside and take that smoke break, during which I am going to smoke every single one of these mofos,” Derrick said, holding up the carton as he rose from his chair, “And two–come back here and call Jill and let her know that I know she’s a big fat liar about how long Lent lasts.”