8thdayfiction

…and on the 8th day, micro fiction was published on some dude's blog.

New Hateville

When a small but vocal group of Hateville citizens seceded from the town and formed New Hateville a few years back (they believed the leadership in Hateville was going “soft on hate”), one of their first acts was to establish a “no fat chicks” law in town.

Because of this, the new amendment being proposed was controversial. Some saw it as redundant, but the sponsors of the amendment pushed for it anyway. They wanted it to be clearly stated in the town’s constitution that chicks in New Hateville were to be height/weight proportionate and height/weight proportionate ONLY; the amendment explicitly banned all non-height/weight proportionate chicks from setting a chubby foot within New Hateville’s borders.

So it was decided that the amendment would be put to a vote. A lot of time and money was spent by its supporters spreading the word that God Himself preferred skinny chicks, and that the town should be under no obligation to provide concessions to chicks who chose to eat too much and not exercise. A few fat chicks raised objections to the amendment (from outside New Hateville’s borders, of course), arguing that it seemed unusually focused on banning fat chicks, when the “non-height/weight proportionate” language in the amendment could also legally apply to really skinny chicks, yet really skinny chicks were free to roam about New Hateville with no problems. Some also pointed out that being a fat chick wasn’t a choice–they did eat right and exercise, yet were still overweight. Their body mass index just was the way it was; it was who they were.

But the majority of New Hatevillians knew better. It was understood that the amendment wasn’t meant for really skinny chicks, because that was different. And they knew being fat was nothing more than a lifestyle choice, a choice that New Hateville had every right to ban so they wouldn’t have to tolerate looking at fatties all over town every day.

And so, come election day, the amendment passed by an overwhelming majority. A few people–again, mostly from outside town–expressed disappointment in the vote, but those who voted for it couldn’t be bothered to care about what a few fat chick lovers thought. They celebrated, then soon thereafter began a new grassroots campaign, one to name the newly official amendment in memory of Jonas Hogbottom.

He was the representative in New Hateville’s Congress who had been the amendment’s most vocal supporter and who was instrumental in turning out the vote to get it passed. Tragically, he had passed away just a week before the vote of a massive heart attack, which doctors surmised was brought on by his morbid obesity.

The people of New Hateville felt naming the amendment for him was a fitting tribute. And they could not have been more right.

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4 thoughts on “New Hateville

  1. Brilliant Satire!

  2. Allison on said:

    Some chicks are more equal than others.

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