A Few Remarks
The hunched old man stepped to the podium, adjusted his cap, cleared his throat, and pulled the microphone to his mouth.
“Friends, family, assembled guests, graduates: We live in a world where Topol is both the smoker’s tooth polish AND the guy who played Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. And neither does life. Congratulations and thank you for having me.”
He shuffled away from the podium as a confused and awkward smattering of applause broke out. Upon hearing it, the man quickly shuffled back to the podium and swiped the microphone away from Superintendent Wilson as she was about to begin her address.
“I don’t need your pity!” he sneered. “Hell with ya, all of yas!”
He shuffled away once again, pulling off his mortarboard and angrily flinging it to the ground as he exited the stage.
The School Board had thought inviting Earl the janitor to make a few remarks at commencement would be a nice touch, as he was retiring after fifty years with the district.
They were wrong.