8thdayfiction

…and on the 8th day, micro fiction was published on some dude's blog.

The DBS207-EM

“Thank you for calling DB Electronics, this is Doug, how may I help you?”

“Hi, Doug. I, uh, bought one of your company’s clock radios today, it’s…model number…let’s see…model number DBS207-EM. And when I brought it home and plugged it in–”

“Mayonnaise oozed out of the speaker?”

“YES! I mean, that’s what it looked like–so that’s mayonnaise? Anyway, as soon as it happened I unplugged the thing and called you. So, why would mayonnaise be oozing out of the speaker?”

“Oh, that’s the factory default setting for the DBS207-EM.”

“OK…so Doug, I’m going to set aside the “how” for right now and just ask you: WHY would that be the factory default setting for a clock radio?”

“Man, I don’t know. I just work here. Why did you buy a clock radio? Do you not own an iPod or a smart phone? Is it 1987 where you live?”

“No. What? I–”

“Look, like I said, I just work here. I don’t know how they make their stuff or what’s in it or whatever. But I can tell you how to turn off the factory defaults.”

“OK–that’d be great.”

“All right. What you’re going to do is plug the unit back in, turn on the radio and tune it to your local adult contemporary station–whatever frequency that is. Then, you need to wait until they play that song “Smile” by Uncle Kracker. You might want to call up the station and request it so you’re not waiting forever. Once that song is on, you need to turn the volume all the way up and then, while simultaneously pressing down and holding the Hour button and the Snooze button, close your eyes and say “I rebuke you, tangy zip of Miracle Whip!” five times out loud–and you HAVE to keep your eyes closed, or it won’t work. Oh, and FYI–mayo will continue to ooze out from the time you plug it back it until the reset is complete, so, I don’t know, you might want to put down a tarp or something.”

“OK, got it. Thanks. Bye.”

“No problem. Have a good day, and thank you for calling DB Electronics.”

Lorne went to the kitchen to get some plastic wrap to put on his nightstand and bedroom floor. On his way back to the bedroom, he called up 93.7 WISH FM and asked them if they could play “Smile”. His plan for the next hour or so: Reset the clock radio, then lunch. He was thinking tuna salad, made with freshly-oozed clock radio mayonnaise, sounded pretty good.

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2 thoughts on “The DBS207-EM

  1. Kelli Jackson on said:

    Sometimes I just wonder about you….

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