The Truancy Officer
The Truancy Officer was nowhere to be found. He was really good at his job.
I should clarify: By “Truancy Officer”, I don’t mean an appointed official tasked with tracking down truants and assigning them the proper punishment for their truancy.
I mean “Truancy Officer” as in an appointed official whose specialty is being truant him or herself.
And Joel Kenner was the best Literal Truancy Officer the Owens Borough School District had ever hired. He was so good at truancy his office was still empty; he hadn’t even moved in before he started failing to show up.
Why the OBSD spent money on a Literal Truancy Officer–especially since they also employed a Traditional Truancy Officer–was anyone’s guess. It was probably part of the reason the District could only afford discount life science textbooks–ones that referred to zebras as “stripey horses”, why their high school’s diplomas stated that the recipient was now “a barely functioning member of society”, and why the District’s cafeteria “pizzas” were clearly the local bakery’s day-old bagels topped with ketchup and Velveeta.
But still: The OBSD had the best Literal Truancy Officer in the game, and he was a point of pride for the District. Wherever he was.