America’s New Laborers
After the usual procession of marching bands, fire trucks, and local government officials and pageant queens sitting in convertibles while waving to the crowd, there was a final float in the parade.
It featured a shockingly tan woman screaming and flipping over a table, a young couple making out in a hot tub, another couple ballroom dancing–badly and with freakishly large grins plastered on their faces, a flop-sweat covered chef trying to saute something while being yelled at by another chef, a woman handing out roses one-by-one to a bunch of douchey-looking men, a group of men and women in their twenties with even more questionable tans than the table-flipping woman sitting on some zebra stripe-patterned furniture who appeared to be doing nothing more than binge drinking, and a nervous teen completely butchering the Christina Aguilera song “Beautiful”.
The float was entitled “A TRIBUTE TO REALITY TV STARS: AMERICA’S NEW LABORERS”, and it made the spectators cry. Not even a return appearance by the marching band who had been playing the theme from Night Court could console them.