Jeffrey barged into the conference room, pulled the lid off his Tupperware container, and opened fire, hurling cupcakes at the others in the room, yelling “ba-ZAAM!” each time one made contact.
The assault was finally halted by Sandi, who stopped Jeffrey mid-launch of his second-to-last cupcake with a shrill “JEFFREY! WHAT are you DOING?!”
He stopped cold and looked around the room at the traumatized, icing-stained faces.
“Participating in the Cupcake Wars?”
Sandi bowed her head, pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, then looked back up at her assailant.
“Jeffrey, “Cupcake Wars” is just a funny name for a cupcake baking and decorating contest. Just a friendly workplace competition to see who could make the tastiest and coolest-looking cupcake. It’s not an actual fight.”
“Oh…well, in my defense, when you use the word “war”, there’s a certain connotation that–”
Sandi wasn’t having it. “Well, in your prosecution–who in their right mind throws CUPCAKES at people? I mean REALLY, Jeffrey! Now get out of here, just…get out!”
Jeffrey returned to his desk, still pumped full of adrenaline but feeling stupid and embarrassed about his misunderstanding.
About an hour later, though, the feelings passed when Sandi approached his desk and presented him with a twenty-five dollar Target gift card, curtly informing him he’d won Best-Tasting Cupcake. It turned out that while the victims of his cupcaking still weren’t too happy with him, one or two of them who had taken cupcakes to the face couldn’t deny how good they were. His cream cheese icing in particular earned raves.
He was immediately sent home, suspended for a week with pay for his unprofessional behavior, and was informed he was expected to return to work having thought about his actions and with a fresh batch of cupcakes, as well as the recipe for that icing.
Jeffrey said he understood, collected his things, and left. He stopped at Target on the way home to buy some cream cheese and powdered sugar, ready for a vacation and thinking all the while that his literal mindset–which so often got him into trouble–had finally worked out for him.