Happy First Day Of Fall
Sam told everyone his broken nose happened during a particularly intense flag football game.
But what really happened was, he was at home sitting on the couch, watching TV, half-way through a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Mint Chocolate Cookie when Carrie walked in front of him while she was attempting to dust their living room.
Sam put his leg out at just the right moment to send Carrie tumbling over it, and when she turned around to look at him, hoping for some sort of reasonable explanation for what had just taken place, he smiled at her and said “Happy first day of FALL!”
Sam had thought she was in a playful mood. He had thought she’d find his pun witty and his idea to trip her, some inspired silliness.
But it turned out she found his idea to trip her to be inexplicable rudeness and found his pun stupid. But she was in a playful mood, if by “playful”, you mean “nose-punching”.
And after it had all gone down and Sam was sitting there holding a tea towel full of ice to his face, he came up with the flag football story because at that point he saw things from Carrie’s point of view and was embarrassed he’d acted that way.
The only explanation he had for his actions was that the ice cream had made him do it. And that is how Ben & Jerry’s ended up being sued by Sam for $55 million, plus pain and suffering.
And that might seem like a lot, but I forgot to tell you this: Sam was a world-famous nose model whose career was ruined by the incident. And what was he going to do, sue his girlfriend? Sue himself?
See, it makes sense now, right?
Anyway, the point is: Don’t eat Ben & Jerry’s ice cream if you’re a world-famous nose model.
And also: Tort reform, I guess?