You Know Me
I don’t know you, but you know me.
You’ve read my work somewhere, or at least an excerpt from it posted to some social media site.
I love a good pop culture reference, especially if it takes the form of a pun. For example, I like to refer to my dieting travails as “The Hunger Games”.
I can’t resist pointing out the differences between men and women. Particularly white men and women. And even more particularly, the differences that most blatantly reinforce gender stereotypes.
They’re funny because they’re true!
Speaking of men and women, I also like to unabashedly express my lustful feelings for [MALE OR FEMALE CELEBRITY, DEPENDING ON GENDER AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION]. Which is very mildly risqué, because I’m [MARRIED/IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP]!
But I don’t care–I go for it.
That’s how I roll, so buckle up.
And I like to mention my [SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER], usually by name, and usually in the context of jokes made at [HIS/HER] expense. But, [MAUDLIN REMARK ABOUT HOW I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’D DO WITHOUT HIM/HER, JARRING IN TONE AMONGST AN OTHERWISE CONSISTENTLY GLIB PIECE].
Politics is another favorite topic. Don’t even get me started on Congress. Especially [NAME OF CONGRESSPERSON CURRENTLY IN THE NEWS DUE TO SOME SCANDAL OR VERBAL GAFFE THAT’S BEEN MADE PUBLIC]. I mean, [STATEMENT EXPRESSING BEFUDDLEMENT AS TO HOW SAID CONGRESSPERSON EVER GOT ELECTED IN THE FIRST PLACE], am I right?
And I will never, ever, ever–EVER–pass up an opportunity to crack wise about how Bill Clinton likes the ladies.
If I had to describe my work in one sentence, it would be, “Like a Jerry Seinfeld bit from twenty years ago, except way less funny.”
For I am an award-winning humorist, and you have probably skimmed over something I wrote and thought: “Eh–that was mildly amusing.”