The Shot

“Where would you like the shot–left or right arm?”

“Uh…right arm, I guess.”

Jacob rolled up his sleeve. The nurse swabbed his shoulder muscle with an alcohol pad, then inserted the needle.

Jacob felt warm. Then, suddenly, he felt the need to…talk.

“I tell everyone my favorite band is The Pixies but really it’s Hall & Oates. I wet the bed until I was sixteen. Marrying Sonya was a mistake, she was a rebound relationship after Pam. I still love Pam! I consider myself straight but I seriously think RuPaul is hot. I want RuPaul to spank me. I couldn’t possibly care less about college football but I follow it anyway because it’s the only thing my dad and I have to talk about. Just last week I clipped a parked car while I was driving and just kept on going, didn’t even leave a note. I keep a flask in my desk drawer at work and I “Irish” up my coffee just about every morning. I’m uncomfortable around most minorities, especially Asians, sorry–no offense.”

He stopped, then grabbed his crotch.

“What the–my testicles! They’ve shrunken to the size of peas! NOOOOOOOO!”

He stood up, overturned the exam table next to him, picked up his chair and flung it into the medicine cabinet, punched a hole in the wall, kicked down the door, and ran from the exam room, tearing his shirt off and screaming.

And that is the story of how Minh got fired from the clinic for accidentally giving Jacob a dose of their experimental truth serum/extra-strength steroid mix instead of the flu shot he was supposed to get.