Interview With The Vampire (Not That One, Or That One, A Different One)
Probably the biggest misconception about me–well, I won’t speak for all of us, but the biggest misconception that I hear, personally, is about my looks.
I’m not Bela Lugosi, all hunched over, severe widow’s peak, bulging eyes and claw-like hands held out in front of me. I don’t wear three-piece suits, and I definitely don’t wear capes.
I don’t look like either Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt in a bad wig, powdered face, and colored contacts. Well, the pale skin is accurate, what with the whole having to stay out of the sun thing.
I’m not sparkly.
And I don’t look like any of those True Blood dudes. I wish…but I could exercise twenty hours a day and not look like those guys.
The truth is, we’re just like “regular” people when it comes to looks. Most of us are average. A good number of us are overweight, and we’re self-conscious about it. About the weight, and the fangs. They freak people out, and they make my gums itchy.
But probably my biggest pet peeve is when people try to give me stuff to drink that’s “just like blood”.
It’s not, OK? I know you mean well, but it’s just not.
Believe you me, if there was a real-life Tru Blood available and I didn’t have to steal from hospitals or blood banks or suck on the neck of the occasional living human, I’d be all over that. But that’s just not reality.
Probably the worst ever was one time when a guy offered me some tomato soup. Because, you know, I drink blood because I just want something warm, thick, and red. Moron. I chomped his neck good just out of spite.
So I guess, to sum up: Don’t act all surprised when you see me. I know–I look differently than you thought I would. Well, this isn’t TV or the movies, so get over it.
And if I say I want blood, I want blood. If you offer me microwaved V8 and say “Have you tried this?”, what you’re really saying is “I’m an idiot society would never miss, and I have a whole body full of blood right here, free for the taking.”
You’ve been warned.
A FEW WORDS ABOUT HURRICANE SANDY:
FYI: I publish stuff on this blog from a location that, while not expected to bear the brunt of Sandy, may experience high winds, lots of rain, flooding, and (not likely, but) possible snow. Which could all lead, by themselves or together, to power outages.
All that’s to say that, I’m going to do my best to keep posting my stories every day…and I’m definitely going to keep writing one a day, no matter what. But just in case you tune in here sometime soon and there’s no story posted for the day, or a day (or more) goes by and you don’t get your email notification, that’s why. If this should happen, I’ll just double (or triple, quadruple–whatever) up on the posts to make up for any day(s) missed.
And also: I write all this knowing full well that if Sandy is as bad as expected, some dude’s blog is the last thing to be concerned about. Just lettin’ you know mainly for you lucky ones out there who aren’t in the storm’s path. For all of you who are in the path: Stay safe and dry!