Jason stood and raised his right hand.
“Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
“Do you promise to not tuck in your shirt without a belt? Do you promise to avoid braided leather belts? Do you promise to not wear pleated pants, especially if they are denim and especially especially if they are shorts? Do you promise to not wear shorts with knee-high socks? Do you promise to avoid socks of any kind with sandals? Do you promise to forgo high-waisted, relaxed fit, and acid washed jeans? Do you promise to not mix patterns, say, paisley with plaid, argyle with stripes, or plaid with other plaid, for example? Do you promise to avoid paisley in general because come on, it’s not 1969? Do you promise to avoid horizontal stripes should you gain a significant amount of weight? Do you promise to never wear white athletic socks with any kind of dress shoe? Do you promise to avoid wearing a dress shirt and tie of the same color because you’re not Regis Philbin and it’s not 1999? Do you promise to not wear one of those blue dress shirts with the white collar unless you’re dressing up like Gordon Gekko for Halloween? Do you promise to wear a suit when the occasion calls for one and not mismatched dress pants and a jacket because seriously you’re an adult and there’s no excuse for not owning at least one suit? Speaking of which, do you promise to never wear khakis with a navy blue blazer because you’re not The Captain from The Captain & Tennille or Thurston Howell III? Do you promise to never, ever, under any circumstances, ever wear any Ed Hardy designs? Do you promise to forsake any or all parts of this oath should current trends change?”
And that’s when Jason realized Fashion Court was not going to be like regular court.