Kyle approached his new boss.
“Hi, Val? Um…so, I’m really enjoying working here, but…um…I was–well, I was wondering if it would be possible for me to maybe get a new elf name…maybe?”
Val looked up from her clipboard and stared through him for close to a full minute, then said “Why? What name do you have now?”
“Um, right now my name is…it’s Tinkle.”
“So what’s wrong with that? It’s festive–like the ringing of a bell: Tinkle! Tinkle! Tink–oh. Wait. Now that I’ve said it out loud, I hear it.” She smiled a wide smile at him. A little too wide, Kyle thought. “That is a problem, so we will get you a new name ASAP, ‘k?”
“OK, thank you, I really apprec–”
“HEY!” Val’s attention was suddenly directed elsewhere. “Hey! Idiot! Don’t put silver tinsel on the aluminum tree! That’s too much silver!” She threw up her hands and made a beeline for Too-Much-Silver Guy in order to yell at him some more, face-to-face.
Unfortunately for that hapless employee, Val despised having to manage the SantaTime North Pole Village at Ward’s Discount Emporium.
And even more unfortunately for Kyle, the only thing Val liked about having to manage the SantaTime North Pole Village at Ward’s Discount Emporium was thinking up embarrassing names for her elves. So when one of them complained about his or her elf name–and one always did, every year without fail–and tried to take away her small sliver of holiday cheer, Val’s policy was to make an example of that elf.
So if you pay a visit to Ward’s Discount Emporium this holiday season, and you happen to stop by the SantaTime North Pole Village while you’re there and you meet an elf named Pooper P. Buttsworth IV?
Hey, everybody: I am pleased to announce that today’s story is the first of TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (or general holiday-time) STORIES on the ol’ blog. Which I’m pretty sure is self-explanatory. And yes, yes, yes: I’m aware that the traditional Twelve Days of Christmas isn’t a countdown to Christmas but actually starts on Christmas day and runs through Epiphany. To that, I say: I just thought it’d be fun to publish holiday-themed stories leading up to the holiday itself, and also, no one likes a know-it-all, church calendar nerds. So anyway, enjoy!