The Lobby Justice League
They were all retired lobbyists who were acquainted with one another through their years spent navigating the overlapping social circles of Washington, DC. And all of them, without exception, had made very comfortable livings lobbying on behalf of what could most politely be called “morally compromised” industries: Tobacco, firearms, alcohol, agricultural conglomerates, and energy companies and the like. Basically, anything you could preface with the word “Big” to use as shorthand for capitalist entities so rich and powerful they just had to be operating outside the law.
They had all made their money and had their fun, and now that they were retired they had all decided they wanted to leave a legacy beyond simply helping the rich get richer. They decided to do it the best way they knew how: By lobbying–not for profit, but for the common good.
(They also took to dressing in masks and spandex suits and referring to themselves as “The Lobby Justice League”, facts which have no bearing on the story but are mentioned solely because I find them delightful).
Their first order of business: Getting Boxing Day status as an official, honest-to-goodnes-don’t-have-to-go-to-work holiday in the United States. It was already a holiday in other countries, and who wants to work the day after Christmas?
That law practically passed itself.
But The Lobby Justice League didn’t stop there. They decided they wanted the entire week–every day between Christmas and New Year’s Day–made an official holiday. They made up their minds that a week of vacation for all at the end of the year (not just for most teachers and students) was going to be their holiday gift to America.
And seeing as how they had all been successful lobbyists–thinking big and getting what they wanted were second nature to them–by the end of December the following year, in addition to Boxing Day Americans were also enjoying these days off:
December 27th: Eva LaRue Day (in honor of her birthday).
December 28th: Meh Day. A few days after Christmas, but too soon to celebrate the New Year? Meh.
December 29th: The Feast Of Not Quite New Year’s. Basically, a second Thanksgiving (in fact, this day would come to be commonly referred to as “Thanksgiving II”).
December 30th: List Day. A day for citizens to spend with their families, compiling lists of the Best and/or Worst (music/movies/quotes/hairstyles/books/chicken nuggets–whatever) of the past year.
December 31st: New Year’s Eve. Another gimme, like Boxing Day. Who wants to work? A day for sleeping in and preparing for the evening’s festivities.
So this year, during, say, your Meh Day observances, or as you compile your Top Ten Most Satisfying Sneezes Of The Year on List Day, take a moment to give thanks to the members of The Lobby Justice League for making it all possible.
In fact, Thanksgiving II would be the perfect day to do just that–in between mouthfuls, of course.