8thdayfiction

…and on the 8th day, micro fiction was published on some dude's blog.

QuizMasters

“All right! Welcome back to QuizMasters. Once again, I’m Jiff Blaster the Quiz Master here with Tammy Price! Tammy’s made it to our Lightning Bonus Round. How ya feelin’, Tammy?”

Quizzical, Jiff!”

“OK, don’t–don’t do wordplay. That’s my thing, that’s the Quiz Master thing, got it?”

“Got it. Sorry.”

“OK, Tammy–I hope you’re feeling quizzical…eh? Eh?”

“Oh…ha! Right, yes, I sure am!”

“Good, ’cause it’s Lightning Bonus Round time! Here’s how it works–I will mention ten things, and for each of those ten things, you will answer either yes or no to the question: Does it go on a Ritz cracker? So Tammy–are you ready?”

“I’m ready!”

“OK, here we go. The Lightning Bonus Round starts…NOW! Item number one: Spray cheese.”

“Um…YES!”

Regular cheese.”

“YES!”

“Aretha Franklin’s butt.”

“Huhwha…?”

“Did I stutter, Tammy?”

“Well, no. I–”

“OK, then, for the second time: Aretha Franklin’s butt.”

“So…just her butt, or is it all of Areth–”

“Tammy for God’s sake it’s not rocket science yes or no Aretha Franklin’s butt!”

“Oh, um…no?”

Thank you…pepper jack cheese.”

“YES!”

“Brie.”

“YES!”

“A slice of pepperoni.”

“YES!”

Two slices of pepperoni.”

“Um…uh, YES!”

“Cheese spread.”

“YES!”

“A second Ritz cracker.”

“Um…yes. YES!”

“And finally…a cassette tape of After The Rain by Nelson.”

“Um…uhh…”

Nelson, Tammy–Matthew and Gunnar, twin sons of Ricky, their debut album featuring the epic title track as well as the mega-hit “(Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection” and the feel-good anthem “More Than Ever”? One of the all-time greatest pop rock bands at their creative and commercial peaks, presented in convenient cassette tape format, maybe you’ve heard of it?”

“Right, right…um, NO!”

“OK, and that completes the Lightning Bonus Round. To win, Tammy, you needed to respond to each item correctly with either a yes or no: Does it go on a Ritz cracker?…oooh, and I’m sorry Tammy, but that sad trombone sound means you did not respond to each item correctly. It turns out the correct answer was yes for every item.”

“But…Aretha Franklin? A Nelson tape?”

“OK, first of all, it was Aretha Franklin’s butt. And it was a tape of After The Rain by Nelson, not just any old Nelson tape. Second of all, yes, Tammy. They are all things–they can all go on a Ritz cracker.”

“OK–I just thought that since the others were food, that–”

“Well, you thought wrong. But the good news is, I’m going to give you one more Super Extra Bonus Item, and if you answer correctly, yes or no: Does it go on a Ritz cracker?…you still win!”

“Well…OK!”

“All right, Tammy…your Super Extra Bonus Item? The soul of a shoe. Yes or no–Does it go on a Ritz cracker?”

“YES! Yes it does, Jiff! It’s a thing–YES!”

“No, Tammy, I’m sorry–that sad trombone sound once again means you are incorrect. We were referring not to the bottom part of a shoe, but rather the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of a shoe–soul as in S-O-U-L which, while certainly a thing, is not a physical entity and therefore most definitely would not go on a Ritz cracker. I thought that was pretty obvious, Tammy.”

“Oh…wel–”

“But Tammy, you’re not going home empty-handed–we’re giving you a year’s supply of Buttery Rounds!”

“What are Buttery Rounds?”

“They’re off-brand Ritz crackers, Tammy. Try to keep up.”

“Oh.”

Buttery Rounds: They’re Ritz Crackers For Those Of Us Not Named Warren Buffett!

Well, that’s all the time we have here on QuizMasters. I’m Jiff Blaster the Quiz Master, reminding you to Seriously, Just Answer The Question. Good night!”

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

2 thoughts on “QuizMasters

  1. Nice shout out for Nelson there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: