The Big Book Of Burns
Gerald decided he was going to write a book, and at first, things went swimmingly: He thought of the idea for the book (a compendium of “burns” for every occasion) and its title (The Big Book Of Burns) pretty much right away.
But when he began writing the actual content of the book, he quickly hit a wall. After a month, he had only come up with two “burns”, and even those had serious problems as far as practical use or even basic logic were concerned:
1) “Asbestos? More like asWORSTos!”
Not bad if the insult is being directed towards asbestos itself, but why would you be “burning” an inanimate object? You could say it to someone suffering from asbestos exposure-induced mesothelioma, but then it’s not a burn but rather an expression of empathy towards the ill by way of stating a dislike for the thing that caused their illness. It could possibly be a “burn” directed towards a defense attorney representing a company that had allegedly played a part in causing someone’s mesothelioma by exposing the plaintiff to the asbestos, but this use seemed a little niche-y.
2) “Call of Duty? More like PLOP OF DOODY!”
Gerald didn’t know much about video games, but he had nieces and nephews who were into them and he was fairly certain those Call Of Duty games were actually pretty popular.
Gerald took one more look at his notebook, then decided to file it away indefinitely.
He realized that, for now at least, it wasn’t happening and he’d just have to stick with his day job as Executive Director of the New York Friars Club.