An Excerpt From Ronnie’s Last Day As A Pyrotechnics Installer For The Zaroni Fireworks Company
“Hey Jackie, what’s up?”
“Where are you right now?”
“I just finished setting up the job at Branch Ridge–that mega-church place, ya know?–and I’m on my way to stop and get a quick bite to eat before I come back to the office. You want me to pick you up a burger or somethin’?”
“No. What I want you to do is go back to Branch Ridge, apologize profusely, and fix your screw up.”
“I just got a call from their Executive Pastor who read me the riot act–in a nice, Christian way, but still–about the scaffolding you installed there.”
“Yeah, for the tower of sparklers. What, is there a problem?”
“Yes, Ronnie. There is. The pastor called because, sitting on the stage of their main auditorium is a sparkler tower which reads ‘HAPPY BOOBS YEAR’.”
“What? I–oh no…”
“Oh yes. So before you go to lunch, I’m gonna need you to go back to the church and dismantle that tower. Then I’m gonna need you to take the pieces of that tower, head back to Teazers Gentlemen’s Club–where you were this morning–and take down the sparkler tower on their stage that has the giant cross on it. Then, of course, you’ll have to re-set the right towers on the stages at both places. Then, go ahead and go to lunch. And then I’ll need you to come back here so we can have a talk about how you’ve now put us several hours behind schedule on one of our busiest days of the year and also how you’ve managed to cost us two of our biggest clients on the same day, OK?”
“Um, OK. Sor–”
The phone cut out.
Ronnie headed back to both work sites, switched the sparkler towers around, made his apologies, then headed to a late lunch.
He splurged and bought himself a Double Whopper, figuring it might be a while before he’d be able to afford such a meal again.
So, in a little bit, I am going to sit down and write my very last story for this story-a-day-in-2012 project. On the one hand, I can’t believe I actually did it (or will have done it as of later this evening). On the other hand, I can believe it–it’s not like I climbed Mt. Everest or won a hot dog-eating contest or something amazing like that.
ANYway, my point is that I just wanted to remind those of you who have faithfully read these entries throughout the year that, as I have been posting the stories on a week delay, there will continue to be a new story posted daily on this ol’ blog through next Monday, Jan 7th, 2013, so there’s (a bit) more to come. And at that time, I’ll attach a proper thank you to all of you, but for now I just wanted to say: Thanks again for reading, and HAPPY
BOOBS (sorry) NEW YEAR!